"I cannot tell a lie." The infamous words George Washington spoke as a boy, after chopping down his father's prized cherry tree. I would personally like to know what his parents did to instill such hard core values into such a young lad.
You see, lately we've had a little fibber on our hands, and her name is Ella. She's just recently grasped the whole concept of "I might be able to get away with something if I don't tell the truth." Though I'm her mother and I see right through it. Her eyes darting here and there, her wheels turning a million miles a minute, trying to weave a story that makes sense in her little mind. She might know how to lie, but I can tell that her conscience fighting it at every turn.
For now, her lies really seem harmless. Seem being the key word in that sentence.
Take two instances yesterday:
Me, seeing red marker scribbled all over her new jeans: "Ella, what happened to your jeans? Did you color all over yourself?"
She glances down, eyes starting to dart around before they focus on the ceiling: "No, I didn't do it. I think the marker fell off the table and did this to my jeans."
Uh-huh. A marker happened to roll off the table and scribble on your jeans from your thigh to your knee cap.
OR, this:
As I'm trying to get Ella's seatbelt around her carseat, I see, in my peripheral vision, that Ella is winding up to flick me. She does this sort of thing not to be mean, but to pick and pester. I was like that as a child. I was known as the pest of the family, and to date, my siblings still think I'm a pest. I honestly have no idea why. To make matters worse, they still think I tell everyone what they're getting for Christmas, even though I seriously haven't done that since I was like 10! Apparently you never grow up in the eyes of your family! Obviously it's a sore spot for me.
Anyway, I see Ella about to flick me...
"Ella, don't you dare flick me or we're going in the house and you're getting a time-out."
Pause. Eyes darting. "I wasn't going to flick you, Mommy. I was only making the number 6 with my fingers."
Wow. She's a smart cookie. I seriously hide a smile and stifle my laugh until I close the van door and turn away from her. She told a lie, a small, funny lie, but it's a lie nonetheless and she can't see me laugh about it.
There have been times where I've blown off her lying without a reprimand, realizing after the fact that by not "nipping it the bud" (as my mother would say), I am doing wrong by her. By not confronting the lie, and using it as a time to explain why lies are wrong, I am teaching her that is okay to lie, when it is definitely not! If I allow her to get away with lying about small and meaningless things, she will think it's okay to lie about something when it could potentially hurt someone. Teaching my child to be honest, no matter the consequences, is crucial in teaching her to be a woman of integrity.
So it's been a struggle. But I hope that in the end, I'm doing what I'm supposed to do in order to lead Ella down the right path. Its times like these that I cling to the following verse:
"Train up a child in the way he should go, for that when he is old, he will not part from it."
Any helpful or creative suggestions about teaching your children not to lie would be very much appreciated!
7 comments:
Oh, this sounds so much like Isaac. Most of the time he is good about telling the truth, but there are times where he makes up stories. Like you, I can see right through them.
One time, I knew he was telling a story and I told him that I felt like he was telling me a lie and I told him to sit until he told me the real truth. It took only about 1 minute before he came and told me the truth.
Also, I do remind him that no matter what, God knows the truth and He knows if he's lying or not. I remind Isaac that God does not want us to lie..He wants us to tell the truth always. I don't tell Isaac this in a threatening way, I just remind him that God always knows if he's lying or not and that lying is a sin. This works very well b/c Isaac does not want to disappoint God. He tells me the truth and then we can have a lesson in repenting and asking for forgiveness.
I hope this helps and good luck! Lying is just in our sin nature..it's just shocking sometimes to see how early it really starts, isn't it?
By the way, it was great seeing you tonight! I hope we can make plans to get together soon!
Thanks for sharing this issue with us. You are a great mom!
~Hilary
lying...our 6 year old just discovered it. Ugh.
She was not honest about a certain glow stick package, led me to believe it was hers and her little brother lost his...an hour later, after he is upset for 'misplacing' his, I find a spent glow stick neatly tucked in her baby doll crib! WHAT!?!?!
Lord, I nearly lost it.
DH and I just impressed upon her how it made her brother feel and how very disappointed we were...
Really, they are testing their limits and new things, and I get that, but sooooo don't want to deal with lying! hate it!
Later that night, by DH reminded me that we lied to her about this ginormous doll that found it's way to the trash bin on trash day! Ooops! One day, she will understand! I hope!
I think this is something that all parents have to deal with, all of a sudden our beautiful little people are liars...
Last summer my step-son Jacob, who was six at the time, told us that his mom's boyfriend was a motorcycle riding, Chicago police officer. A few weeks later we met this man. He is probably 5'7" and 160 pounds. Not too mention, he clothes and hair were very metrosexual.
In a friendly conversation with his mohter, I just asked her about his job. Turns out that he is a corporate interior designer (explains the clothes/hair - right?).
Jacob knew this was all a lie! And just like the Veggietale video, it kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger...
We have just taken the same approach with him, and unfortunately now a little with London, lying is a sin. Whether you tell me the truth or not, God knows. I think for us as Christians that is the best approach. It is the one very truthful thing that we can teach our children.
I think it's the first sin that our little angels pick up! So, in the words of your mom, it is our job to nip it in the bud! :o)
I have to say that it is really good to know that it's not some genetic problem and that other moms have to deal with it also...
I've always wondering around what age kids start to realize that they can lie. That was an interesting post!
I'm not sure if you read my friend Kristy's blog, but she just posted something this week about her son Sage starting to lie.
Hilary summed it up well...my parents always told us that we may at one time or another get away with lying to them, but Jesus always knew what we were doing and we could never get away with it with Jesus...
Ella's lie about the marker reminds me of my brother when he was 8 and threw a ball through his bedroom window...he said he "fell on a thistle and the baseball slipped out of his hand and somehow, while slipping two stories into the air, broke through his bedroom window."
We never found the thistle.
We've come into the "lying" discussion at our house recently too. Andrew likes to toot (or fart, as some may call it) - and then blame it on Gretchen. So, we've had extended discussions on what it means to lie, why it's not a good idea and that it can hurt people.
I've found the best approach is... when I see that Andrew is about to lie, usually when he's done something he shouldn't have... I remind that he should always tell the truth, and I will never get mad at him for it.
So - it's hard. To have him tell you that he did something he shouldn't have, and then suck it up and not scold him (as badly.)
Good luck. :)
And now that I'm a mother, I now realize how my parents always knew I was lying.
Our 4 year old, Sage has started to lie. I told him how God always knows if we are lying or not and if he did lie, he needs to ask God for forgiveness. As he walked away from me, he asked God to forgive him for lying to mommy!
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